Episode XIIII - Fiets crew, assemble!

[macky]

Always nice read...Yes that is my house and yes where going to Niagra Falls

[OneHighMofo]

Day 2.
What a wash out.

I wake up at 9:00am sharp and jump in the shower - I’m still groggy (baked) from the night before and as I’m stood under the stream of hot water I’m trying to work out what’s wrong with me - something doesn’t feel quite right - I don’t normally take so long to get going. By the time I’m getting dried all becomes clear - a familiar flashing in the corners of my eyes, tightening across the forehead. In less than ten minutes time I’m gripped by a searing migraine and am sat in a dark room lamenting the tatters of my holiday. BASTARD.

My hotel room was a prison that day, it was a hot and uncomfortable day restlessly lying in bed, on bed, on the floor, head pressed against cold window, in the shower - nothing worked. No comfort was to be gleaned from the day.
I couldn’t bring myself to injest anything at all and was just grateful that I could still feel the buzz of the syrup I'd necked at 2:00am. Usually I’d take a micro dose of mushrooms as that would usually be an effective cure if I catch the migraine in the early stages. I did consider heading out for some truffles but it was probably too late by that point and I’ve never micro dosed truffles before so was concerned about being ill and tripping balls - so I figured it best to ride out the storm.

It wasn’t my happiest day in the Dam that's for sure - I was missing a get-together at Nugs house and feeling very sorry for myself indeed. I very much considered getting a flight home that night and even went as far as scoping out the prices but around 4:00 I was feeling slightly better and was finally driven out of the hotel by hunger. I grabbed a salad from the nearby Albert Hein and eat it carefully. The nausea was subsiding due to the vape bowl I was puffing on so I figured I was getting better and decided to tentatively head towards town and find the crew.

Ambling north on my steed the Niewmarkt is up ahead and I’ve had some thoughts rattling around my head since landing. Debating back-and-forth; should I? Shouldn’t I?
I am VERY curious.

So throwing caution (and logic, reason and any sense of self-worth) out of the window I head into Green Place and buy a bag of Johnny Blaze and a bag of Batman. I think both were €18 each. Yes yes. You can tell me to fuck off now. Make no bones I had a strong word with myself for paying such a ridiculous price for two grams of weed. But a few ACD members had piqued my interest and those strains are truly ‘elites’. Clone only cuts with legendary status. If they are indeed those very examples - they should be worth sampling if not worth the asking price.
More on those later.

I figure I’ve not actually bought much Coffeeshop product yet so I cruise over to Grey Area and grab a bag of Sweet Island Skunk - stocking up for my return to the squad.

I head to Amnesia for a sit down but it’s around 5:30 and absolutely packed - I can’t even get to the counter so I just sit in the window and load a vape bowl trying to work out how I feel. The nausea and migraine is coming in waves and even though Elastic Band turns up and we have a chat I’m not quite present and just not feeling 100%.
So it’s about 6:00pm that with a heavy heart I let Nugs know that I've decided to head back to the hotel and close my eyes again - hoping that a dark room and being stationary will appease the pain.

I awake around 9ish and it’s immediately noticeable that the headache has subsided. No nausea - quick vape bowl in the bathroom. Yep all is good. My mood lifts considerably at that point. I”m starting to feel better and glad that I didn’t book that flight. It is absolutely BUCKETING it down with rain however so I’m in something of a predicament. Stay indoors feeling better but still sorry for myself or head out find the crew and get piss wet through….

Nugs is gently encouraging me to get out and about and in the end I can’t resist so I set off - sheltering from the tropical downpour in whichever doorway is closest.It probably takes me a good 40 minutes to get to Batavia but it’s great to see the crew when I finally arrive.

The Batavia session is good - it’s nice to hear what the guys have been upto - sorry if I wasn’t ‘all there’ that night guys.
I kind of feel like i made a good day of it in the end - we ended up in the Flying Pig for a nightcap which was amusing and enlightening to see a room entirely packed with teenagers on every kind of stimulant going. I was definitely old enough to be EVERYONE’s father. In the moment I realised this - a lad with glitter decorating his face began whooping and whipping the room into a frenzy - so at that point I decided I was somewhat out of place and decided to call it a night. Nugs comes with me and I think I walked back to his place with him before heading back to the hotel about 1 - 2:00am.

Not the best day in the Dam.
You can’t win em all though soldier. Tomorrow will be better.

[Lemming]

Suffice to say I do not remember a goddamm thing - I do know that I bought some weed at Voyagers (no clue what)

Welcome to my world Nice to see a cannaseur brought down to my level

Thanks for another great read.

[CopenhagenCouple]

What a cracking write-up partner, and what a day it was! It was a real pleasure seeing you again and getting blitzed as MoFos together!

“GAS LEAK EVERYONE OUT”.

Fuck me.

Yeah, that was fun... -ish...

First stop Coffeeshop Spirit as I’ve never been.
The guy was an asshole about it too which was a shame.

Sorry to correct you brother, but the asshole resided in the Ketteltje (sp?), you didn't buy at Spirit no (and the lady was a bit "dutch" about it, but not rude), and yes, we did... Didn't at the assholes place.

So fuck that shop. Shame it’s in such a nice spot.

Ramen buddy, fuck 'em!

[Kenshiro]

Nice update as usual pal!
That's a real bummer with that migraine scenario glad you pulled through!
Quite a few people have fallen ill shortly after arrival this year myself for one and Matty too I believe?

Look forward to the next chapter...it's got me excited for 420 next year!

[OneHighMofo]

Yeah man being ill on holiday sucks a whole bag of dicks. It's a real shit sandwich. Just glad I didn't crumble and head home - that would have been a total lose. Thanks for the kinds words as ever everyone - much appreciated and CC - thanks for the corrections; I know you’re spot on and had kind of been hoping you’d write something up so I could pick at your notes I’d totally forgotten that we’d even been in T’Keteltje!

Final update for this travelogue!

Day 3

We’d best make today count. I normally head home on the 9:00pm flight giving me an entire day as a farewell parting shot - plus it always makes for evocative memories when leaving the Dam in the half-light and and deeply stoned fugue of a crisp evening. This time alas - I’ve booked an earlier flight home due to a couple of missed late night train nightmares in recent months. So as it’s going to be a lighter day tomorrow headed for a 6/7ish flight; it’s fair to say that I’ve got some catching up to do. Happily I still have most of my stash intact! Last night I was mainly dabbing my way through my BHO stash so my flower stock looks pretty well.

I’m up and showered by 11 - a little later start today and that’s ok. With a cheeky heavy hitting OJOG vape bowl loaded I cycle slowly north, enjoying the sunshine that is again gracing the day. Headed towards Starbikes I’m intending to pick up my €300 deposit and swap it for my passport (earlier in the week I’d figured I may need the passport to check in but apparently not - I’m too used to staying at the Bulldog!). It’s a lovely cycle and I enjoy some camaraderie with a local couple as we delight in flipping off the workmen who have closed the road outside the old Mellow Yellow and have been trying to force cycle traffic on a lengthy around-the-houses detour all week. I was complicit the first time; back on Monday evening. I wasn’t stupid enough to make the same mistake again - its the old ‘cones in the road but no work happening’ routine. Fuck that - no chance flag dude - we’re coming through bad attitudes blazing. The sign-guy is exasperated, I get the feeling people have been fucking him over all week (I certainly have) and he finally snaps shouting at us all in Dutch. Hahaha #heyasshole - fuck you and your detour buddy - rules are for the easily led.

Star bikes are accommodating as ever. No problems at all and that saves me going to the bank. Super.
Voyagers menu beckons - I’m happy to see Kaligria (Kali Mist x Spanish favourite ‘Alegria’) back on the menu and I certainly need some sweet hazey flavours in my stash as uncharacteristically I’m buying kushy broad leaf varietals everywhere. An additional bag of lemon bubble completes the purchase and onwards I (We? CC?) push for La Grotte.

I think Nugs or Mike or CC or someone must have been with me already because I distinctly remember having a wing-person or two at La Grotte as we were delighted to find that once the language barrier was overcome with a little doodle - the staff had found the lost carb cap and dabber. HIGH FIVE. We’ve been scrabbling around using anything and everything as a carb cap since the gas-leak incident so it’s lovely to be back up to full steam ahead on the dab train. I think we may have dabbed to celebrate.

I always find my taste buds more sensitive on a morning, certainly on Amsterdam days where consumption is high I find that lots of smoking can dull the senses somewhat.
So I’ve been saving a couple of bags for a fresh palette - it’s here after breaking my fast in salubrious and extreme (to the point of actual physical danger) artexxed surroundings - that I tackle the Green Place exhorb-o-fest examples: Batman and Good ‘ol Johnny Blaze.

OHMF’s quick capsule review; what a bunch of wankers.
But first some background.

Batman is an OG cross of legendary of unknown origins. USA bred (supposedly) it is not available in seed form (supposedly). Johnny Blaze has similar legendary status - although there has been a limited seed release to the market from renowned breeder DJ Short (Blueberry / Flo). DJ short lists the lineage as Nevilles x Blueberry.

Batman - Green Place €18
Tastes like a nice fruity OG. Back notes of pond funk and and rotten fruit with a typical sandy and dry kush middle. Very faint hints of liquorice and mint.
Texturally this was pretty good. Lovely moisture levels made this certainly one of the most nicely finished buds that I bought over the four days.
The transfer from smell to taste was good and from a quality perspective there is very little to complain about. Is this the best kush in town?
Not even close.
5.0 Decent smoke. Fucking stupid price.

Johnny Blaze - Green Place €18
The nose from the tub told me that it would. So I’m kind of happy to confirm that this also tastes like a straight OG kush. Even down to the recognisable mix of Afghani desert sand and ‘OG’ Chem Dawg funk. Kind of sour, kind off sweet but these are back notes to the OG profile.
There is no way on Gods green Earth that this is Nevilles x Blueberry. Not a fucking prayer. Texturally it’s very similar to the Batman - I’d wager they’re from the same grower as the terrior is familiar between the examples. The deeper earthier notes in both have very similar properties which makes me suspicious that they likely came from the same or similar growing media.
Again - decent transfer of flavour.

I vaped and burnt (in my little bubbler for purest flavour) both of these examples. Both were certainly very acceptable developments of the Hindu Kush lineage. Perhaps some of the nicer stuff that I bought this trip. They both finished well with lovely smooth smoke and sung through the vape.

However - I’m deeply skeptical that these are the real deal cuts. Firstly - any well informed Cannabis enthusiast can spot the difference between Haze and Kush (apart from me sometimes apparently - more on that later, so you know; take my rants with as big a pinch of salt as you’d treat anything you read on the internet) so there’s no fucking way I’m accepting Johhny Blaze circa Green Place 2017 as anything other than an OG kush. Batman? Well - it’s definitely a nice kush.
5.0 Decent smoke. Fucking stupid price.

If these really are the real deal; the most positive thing I can say is that this pricing is as tight as a gnats chuff: Making passionate people pay more for their desires just because you can? Sketchy for starters. Perhaps it’s a high wholesale price that the grower is charging? If so, that plant costs you no more to grow than any cheap-arse bean you might pop from any seed bank. So fuck you Mr Grower. More likely in my opinion - is that this pricing is the ideology of an establishment intent purely on exploiting the fashionista element of it’s clientele. It knows it can create a buzz using the simple magic of word association; authentic or not - and it knows that the market for its product has a lot of expendable income. it’s a simple marketing strategy cynically deployed.

Oh and do it with a fuck you attitude why don’t you?
Oh you’ve already got that on lock you say?
Well done you: Capitalist pig goals achieved with a side dish of arrogant wanker at the point of purchase.
Delicious. Would you like to flay a small but important part of me as your tip?

Frankly. I’ve bought better kush from other Coffeeshops for almost half the price. And from ‘beyond’ the coffeeshop scene? Kush that has made both examples look average for €8-11 less per gram. Green Place - in my deeply stoned opinion you are full of shite. Elite cuts my arse. Would I buy these again? Not in a million years. would I recommend you buy them? No. No I wouldn’t

Breakfast out of the way- it’s now for some more sensible shopping: Nugs and I are on another southern trajectory heading for De Pijp and beyond and I am in the mood for shopping. Yesterday wash out has given me an itch that I need to scratch.

Tweede Kamer is first stop. I rarely buy from here but had my interest piqued by a larfy tub of Grape Ape over 4/20 that I wanted to sample. It’s not on this time which is a shame but the BT is very happy to delight our inquisitive noses. I walk away with a bag of Kandy choco kush. Can’t remember the price but it was around €12 mark. It’s certainly got more Kandy than choco on the profile which is slightly disappointing but there are interesting notes of a sweet and simultaneously bitter ‘something’. This is a tasty bag of flowers - especially through the vape. it’s not so flavourful when burnt but the smoke is smooth and this product is nicely finished for sure. Scores higher than Batman or JB purely on price.
6.6 - not bad at all.

Old Church next - Nugs has never been in bizarrely. They always have an interesting menu and the pre-bagged nature of the product seems to have disappeared in favour of some scales - welcome. I have a good look at most of the tubs and end up with a couple of nice purchases:

Strawbery banana kush €15 for a 1.2 as I remember.
Kushy musky and dry characterise this profile. There is something different that your average kush and It has decent flavour transfer. The taste is more like banana strips than strawberry. And the spongy texture isn’t quite to my liking but that property is so dependent on strain/environmental factors that it’s difficult to critique the grower on it.
I’d score this as a solid 6.5 and I was very happy with the scoop.

Aha! Old Church have the Grape Ape I’m looking for at €15
It’s super light and smooth. Skunky without being floral. Definitely on the white grape and lime end of the flavour profile. it has decent enough texture and is certainly an enjoyable bah of flowers.
7.1 - Right up my straat.

Onwards!
Now we’re headed across the Leidseplein towards Boreojongens. Nugs is keen to stay to recapture the nostalgia and feels of one of our favourite sessions here but unfortunately it’s far too busy - the customer in front of us bagsies the last seats and the BT points out on the CCTV that it’s packed up there. Bummer, we’d had a right laugh in here last time and had enjoyed the comfortable surroundings and relative peace and quiet - coupled with the hardline enforcement of no Tobacco this is a smoking room we enjoy. Sadly not today.
We console ourselves in the menu. Where we find lots of strains under the ten Euro mark. I grab:

NL5 x Mexican haze €14
This is very interesting indeed and one of my favourite buys of the trip. It's the taste of everything. A precursor to so many strains. It's hazy and sagey and skunky and cheesey. There are Deisel notes that are distinctly red in flavour coming from the Oaxacan genetics. She burnt well and absolutely sang through the vape, smooth and flavourful.
This is an expensive purchase for this shop but I’m happy to pay this price in an establishment that clearly provides strains (and prices) based on something other than market trends.
7.5 cracking.

OG Pakistani 8.50
This didn’t have loads of nose but I was interested in the landrace lineage. the Bt said taste would transfer and you really can't always follow your nose as sometimes a strain doesn't give up the goods until it's cracked open - or consumed. The price is good and I'm in a kush tip so I grab a gram. Unfortunately it turns out to be a disappointment. not a lot of flavour - lovely and smooth sure. Potency? Difficult to judge at this point and as I've said before a single gram is not a good way to assess an entire crop but I don't think I'd buy this again unless the smell from the tub really jumped out at me.
6.0

The final destination on this run is ibiza in de pijp. The lad and I on the sesh.
It's a nice place - I've wanted to come for a while, it has echoes of funky monkey in terms of layout. Vaguely Moroccan styling over two floors with a mezzanine set above a snug. There are large comfy couches so it's definitely a great place to sesh in a big group. Could be a good venue for an ACD meet for sure I remember thinking.

It also has what's looks Interesting menu.
I bought the bubba after turning my nose up at three strains named 'beachfront' (looked and smelled like haze), silver kush (haze), and cookies kush (haze).
At this point I'm internally rolling my eyes and thinking less that favourable things about this shop. They must think I'm daft!

So - I have no fucking idea how, when i smelled the tub labelled 'bubba kush' I had any business at all thinking 'yep that's right'; because not ten minutes later when I pop the bag, there's no fucking away that's bubba kush, yes I'm expecting bubba to be fruity but - oh god. This is haze. Nugs looks at me like I’ve just told him I've shot his dog. And he’s right to. Fail. Fuck this place also and fuck me too! Call yourself a connoisseur boy?
I'm not going to waste time rating it - too annoyed with myself and the fucking joker who's 'curating' this menu!

From here the lad is keen to head to De Graal and it's en route that the Danes catch us up (I think) we're not sure where they’ve been hiding all day but it makes for some very michevious speculation on our part! Unfortunately it's doors closed at the Grail so we head to Katsu and sit outside in the sun for a while. I have a look at the menu but it's a no buy for me. The CC’s definitely buy some hash here. Bellies are rumbling and we amble around some shops vaguely threatening to eat but nothing grabs our fancy.

The Danes are also keen to delight in De Graal again - so tentatively we trip back around the corner and are again disappointed with a closed door.
I’m wanting to head further south and Nugs is happy to follow (can’t remember why the Dane’s weren’t down with the plan) so the lad graciously leads the way down to Coffeeshop De Kade.
Another shop on my to-do list.

The shop is in a lovely location and while it might not be the most well decorated shop in town there’s a nice comfortable feel. It’s more British Tea Room than it is Brown Bar and that suits as it feels like a real ‘mom and pop’ type affair. The staff are not exactly spring chickens and that’s welcome - the chap that serves me recommends Scotts OG at €12 over the Shoreline at €15 which is appreciated and I take his advice. it doesn’t have great texture but it's dense and stinks of licorice and lemongrass. The taste transfer is good, the finish excellent when burnt in my little bubble and this example is noticeably potent.
6.9 Solid. Not brilliant but definitely solid.

I also fish out a few bits from the stash for a taste test while nugs in embroiled in his mobile phone:
Grey area Sweet Island Skunk. €15 I think (can’t be sure)
Hmmmmm I’m not often disappointed by Grey Area’s fare and this one isn’t exactly bad - but it is somewhat underwhelming. This is supposed to be a shining example of B.C. bud hailing from Vancouver Island the same place as my family so I’m keen to try her. The finish is always good from this shop - crunchy white ash and the taste does transfer. It’s just - well. Meh really. It reminds me of a strain that might have been good if the grower had been paying attention. It’s just a bit flat and one dimensional. Skunky but not skunky enough. Sweet but not sweet enough. Someone will love her I guess.
6.0

The shop has great service though. The older couple that I assume the owners are really happy to serve and brought out free fried snacks (Bitterballen etc) for the whole shop! Which happens on the regular on Sunday afternoons apparently. As I say it’s not the most salubrious shop in town but it makes no odds. It’s the little things that make shift difference - lovely friendly vibe here. Great music policy too. Relaxing soulful grooves.

Voyagers Kaligria and Lemon Bubble both hit the spot (reviewed them both before so I’ll not bother here - they’re consistently good as ever) - I vaped a couple of bowls from each one and rolled a doob of lemon bubble x strawberry banana which I’ll smoke outside as I dip my toes in the water - Nugs leaves me there happy in my own little world. I stay a while - soaking up my last full afternoon in the sunshine.
It’s a beautiful cycle back to the hotel along Stadionkade with a short detour through Beatrixpark in glorious evening sunshine. I have a quick freshen up as there’s no time for a shower, grab a quick cone of fries and a smoothie and it's soon time to meet the crew to catch up for the evening session.

As I’m cycling along the canal heading towards Voyagers and Batavia I’m doing ‘a Ricky’. One hand in my pocket - one on the bars. It’s at this point I fall foul of the warnings I’d heeded at my brother over 4/20. “Both hands on the bars, hit a bump and you’ll be off” And that’s exactly what happens; the front wheel folds and all of a sudden I’m hitting the ground. Fortunately my ninja training kicks in; I tuck and roll and spring back to my feet with an ‘ole!’.
Of course I didn’t you daft sod! I wouldn’t call it ‘hitting the ground like a sack of shit’ - after all I’m a keen cyclist and have had my share of tumbles in the past so I have some technique at least but I do hurt my knee and elbow and mostly my pride. No real harm done - apart from to the bikes bell which is frankly - fucked. Oh well. Star bikes were absolutely sound about the whole affair when I return the steed - ‘shit happens’ apparently. Amen to that.

The crew have the Batavia window seat so I’m surprised that they didn’t see my fall! Forum member Bedge and his pal are in and I’m introduced - what lovely chaps. I hope they’ll be coming in April for the 4/20 festivities. We pop Bedges dab cherry and the scene is set for a cracking session.

Around 11ish the crew is scheming an uncharacteristic move from the safe space of the Batcave - we end up at Dampkring 2 on Haarlemmerstraat sat upstairs with some shakes and a bag of Headstash OG which was…. OK. Another one of those bags that doesn’t seem to go very far and at €15 that’s not good enough. It had decent flavour through the vape though. Kinda limey and kushy with a sour savoury finish.
6.0 - hmmmm.

No-one is quite ready to go home so we all roll some doobs and head for a quiet smoke on a dock near nugs house in the dead of night. What a lovely relaxing way to end the last full day of the holiday. I”m back at the hotel for perhaps 1:30 at the latest and have a much needed shower and a couple more vape bowls before bed.

Day 4
It’s an early start - today is the last day and I fly early evening. So come 9:00am I’m already pottering about and packing. I’d like to grab some gifts for the missus and she’s set me a task of finding her an antique map of Mokum - easy peasy. I hit the antique map shop near the Flower Market and amble around grabbing some bulbs and other bits and pieces. It’s lovely riding around in the sunshine - testament to this is the fact that it’s getting on for midday before I even injest any Cannabis!

Utopia is my chosen spot so I let Nugs know where I am (they’re in Batavia) and chat with Ingi while I peruse the menu.
I walk away with a bag of Fruity Pebbles for €15. Now this IS definitely a good example of the genetics which I’ve sampled before in BHO form back home from an extract team linked to Karma Genetics so I know that was the real deal. This is bang on the money - distinct notes of smooth creamy cereal with a fruity back note of complex floral lavender on the exhale. Lovely smooth finish and a great texture. OH - and did I mention that this IS DEFINITELY an ‘elite’ cut? Seeds for this lady change hands for silly money (I’ve seen hundreds offered for a single bean). Are you taking note Green Place? I only vaped her as by the fourth day I’m done rolling €15 joints but CC said it was lovely when burnt.
7.2 cracking

Heading over to Batavia to meet the squad we have a decent little session but the sun is shining and I’m not spending my dying hours on holiday sat in Batavia while the weather is so good so eventually I say my sad goodbyes to the Danes and head to Voyagers to buy a repeat bag of lemon bubble and kaligria. Probably the third bag of each because I have a sneaking suspicion that’s what I bought on the first night. OH! NO hang on - now I remember I’d bought the Fromage Blue and…. and…. shit I can’t remember!
Anyway. It’s soon time to depart and I’m sad as ever - trying not to let it show I walk with Nugs to the station and say goodbye to my good friend and our lady Amsterdam.

Till next time my friends, till next time.

[Kenshiro]

What a lovely finish to an excellent travelogue! Strain description on point and some nice details especially about shops. Props!

Glad you gave an honest review of Greenplace- I've always heard mixed things on the quality of product there and to be honest the products often look terrible from what I've witnessed.

Being a complete miser I often skip anything at the higher end of double digits a gram for the exact reason of what you've experienced with those particular strains..(that's not to say fire can't be found for a high and deserved price but I rarely gamble with the risk vs reward)

Nice reporting enjoyable as always!

[spidergawd]

Nice one OHMF, top write up as always. So glad you overcame the migraine and enjoyed yourself.